You know you're an aging DJ when...

You were first hired by a GM who actually worked in radio before
becoming GM.

Radio stations were no place for kids.

You excitedly turn the radio up at the sound of "dead air" on
the competitor's station.

Sales guys wore Old Spice to cover the smell of liquor.

You were playing Elvis' number one hits when he was alive.

Engineers could actually fix things without sending them back to
the manufacturer.

You worked for only ONE station, and you could name the guy who
owned it.

You remember when normal people listened to AM radio, and only
"hippies" listened to FM.

Radio stations used to have enough on-air talent to field a
softball team every summer.

You're at least 10 years older than the last two GM's who fired

You used to smoke in a radio station and nobody cared.

Engineers always had the worst body odor, not because they
worked too hard, but because they just didn't shower that often.

You can name at least 2 receptionists that you nailed who now
have grandchildren.

You know the difference between good reel-to-reel tape and cheap
reel-to-reel tape.

Religious radio stations were locally owned, run by an old
Protestant minister and his wife, never had more than 20
listeners at any given time, and still made money.

You have a white wax pencil, a razor blade, and a spool of 3M
splicing tape in your desk drawer - - just in case.

You know people who actually listened to baseball games on the

You can post a record, run down the hall, go to the bathroom,
and be back in 2:50 for the segue.

The new guy you're training has never listened to an AM station.
He couldn't even name one in his own home town if his life
depended on it.

You knew exactly where to put the tone on the end of a carted

You spent most of the time on Friday nights giving out the high
school football scores. And when they weren't phoned-in, you got
really pissed off.

You never thought twice about drinking from the same bottle with
another DJ.

You only did "make-goods" if the client complained. Otherwise,
who cares?

You can remember the name of the very first "girl" that was hired
in your market as a DJ. (Margaret? Leilani? )

Somebody would say, "You have a face for radio", and it was still

Sixty percent of your wardrobe has a station logo on it.

You always had a screwdriver in the studio so you could take a
fouled-up cart apart at a moment's notice.

Agents were people like James Bond and the Man From Uncle.

You would spend hours splicing and editing a parody tape until
it was "just right", but didn't give a damn how bad that
commercial was you recorded. Hey, I can only work with what they
give me, right?

You still refer to CDs as "records."

Dinner? Let's see what the last shift left for me in the

The only interaction between you and someone else prior to
bedtime is, "Thank you. Please pull ahead to the second window."

Your family thinks you're successful, but you know better.

You played practical jokes on the air without fear of lawsuits.

You've been married at least 3 times, or, never married at all.

You answer your home phone with the station call letters.

You used to fight with the news guy over airtime. After all,
what was more important: your joke about your ex-wife, or that
tornado warning?

You knew how to change the ribbon on the teletype machine, but
you hated to do it because "...that's the news guy's job."

You had listeners who only tuned in for the news, and not you.
You could never figure that out.

You know at least 3 people in sales that take credit for you
keeping your job.

You remember when "Rock" wasn't a bunch of guys who look and
sound more like girls.

You have several old air-check cassettes in a cardboard box in
your closet that you wouldn't dream of letting anyone hear
anymore, but, you'll never throw them out or tape over them.

You can still see scars on your finger when you got cut using a
razor blade and cleaned out the cut with head-cleaning alcohol
and an extra long cotton swab on a wooden stick.

You still have dreams of a song running out and not being able
to find the control room door.

You've ever told a listener "Yeah. I'll get that right on for

You have a couple of old transistor radios around the house with
corroded batteries inside them.

People who ride in your car exclaim, "Why is your radio so loud?"

You remember how upset people used to get about Richard Nixon.

You have at least 19 pictures of you with famous people whom you
haven't seen since, and wouldn't know you today if you bit 'em
on the ass.

You wish you could have been on "Name That Tune" because you
would have won a million bucks.

You even REMEMBER "Name That Tune."

You were a half an hour late for an appearance and blamed it on
the directions you received from the sales person.

You've run a phone contest and nobody called, so you made up a
name and gave the tickets to your cousin.

You remember when people actually thought radio was important.


...Thanks to Steve Lager - KFKF Kansas City


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